The Mostly Reliable Guide: Tibia’s Summons and Marionette Soldiers

In the vast and frequently lethal expanse of the Lands Between, where death is less of a conclusion and more of a mild inconvenience with loading screens, the discerning Tarnished often finds themselves pondering the eternal question: “What peculiar entity should I summon to die horribly alongside me today?”.

The Mostly Reliable Guide to Questionable Spirit Summons

(A Semi-Regular Column About Mostly Irregular Combat Choices)

The Mostly Reliable Guide to Questionable Spirit Summons aims to answer this question in the style of Douglas Adams and with the sort of precision usually reserved for drunk archers. This series of thoroughly researched and only slightly embellished entries examines those spirit summons that exist in the curious space between “absolutely brilliant” and “why does this even exist?”

For the benefit of those readers who haven’t yet discovered the joy of summoning questionably useful allies, it’s worth noting that spirit summons are, in fact, a legitimate combat mechanic and not, as some have suggested, an elaborate prank by FromSoftware. They require the Spirit Calling Bell (obtainable from Renna at the Church of Elleh, or from the Twin Maiden Husks if you managed to miss her, you poor soul) and varying amounts of FP, which stands for “Frankly Preposterous” or “Focus Points,” depending on whom you ask.

In today’s installment, we’ll be examining two particularly noteworthy entries: Tibia’s Summons, for those who enjoy their necromancy with a side of disappointment, and the Marionette Soldiers, which answer the question “What if we made combat, but silly?”

Entry 2,749,304 in the Lands Between Edition: Tibia’s Summons

It is a well-known fact throughout the Lands Between that any self-respecting Tarnished who wishes to dabble in the peculiar art of making dead things slightly less dead should consider Tibia’s Summons. This rather curious spell, which costs an oddly specific 35 FP (a number that seems to have been chosen by a committee of particularly pedantic sorcerers), allows one to summon three spectral skeletons who are, quite frankly, about as reliable as a chocolate teapot in a desert.

The Guide would like to note that while these skeletal companions may appear impressive, they have roughly the same durability as a politician’s promise. They do, however, make excellent distractions, particularly when one needs to create the sort of chaos that only three semi-transparent bone warriors can provide.

The spell requires 28 Intelligence and 20 Faith, a combination that makes about as much sense as expecting a Runebear to serve afternoon tea. Many practitioners have questioned this unusual stat requirement, suggesting it’s rather like needing both a pilot’s license and expertise in underwater basket weaving to make toast.

DON’T PANIC, however, if you find your skeletal friends dissolving faster than sugar in rain. This is entirely normal and, some might say, part of their charm. The Guide suggests viewing them less as reliable allies and more as temporary entertainment for whatever horrifying boss is currently trying to separate your head from your shoulders.

In conclusion, Tibia’s Summons sits somewhere between “absolutely brilliant” and “completely useless” on the utility scale, much like a solar-powered flashlight or a waterproof teabag. Whether it’s worth your time largely depends on how much you enjoy watching spectral skeletons perform what essentially amounts to a very brief and violent dance routine before inevitably crumbling into nothingness.

Note: The Guide accepts no responsibility for any deaths, dismemberments, or existential crises that may occur while using this spell.

Entry 3,141,592 in the Lands Between Edition: Marionette Soldiers

The Marionette Soldiers represent what happens when someone looks at the concept of warfare and thinks, “What if we made it more like a deranged puppet show?” These peculiar spirit summons are essentially what you’d get if you asked a particularly morbid toymaker to design combat automatons after a three-day cheese-eating binge.

The spell requires 20 FP to cast, a number that the Committee for Reasonably Priced Combat Assistance apparently pulled from a hat containing exclusively disappointing numbers. This relatively low FP cost might seem like a bargain, until you realize you’re essentially paying for front-row seats to what could generously be described as “armed interpretive dance.”

What sets Marionette Soldiers apart from other summons is their unique approach to combat, which primarily involves flailing their arms about in a manner suggesting they’ve just discovered they have limbs and aren’t entirely sure what to do with them. They come equipped with various weapons, though “equipped” might be too strong a word – “vaguely associated with” might be more accurate.

DON’T PANIC if you notice your Marionette Soldiers engaging in what appears to be synchronized spinning. This is not a bug but a feature, though nobody is quite sure what feature it’s supposed to be.

Pros, Cons, Usage Tips & Conclusion

Pros:

• There are two of them, which means twice the confusion
• Occasionally hit things (though this seems more accidental than intentional)
• Excellent at distracting enemies through sheer bewilderment
• Make excellent conversation pieces, if you’re into that sort of thing

Cons:

• Combat effectiveness somewhere between “wet paper bag” and “stern warning”
• Movement pattern suggests they’re perpetually trying to avoid stepping on hot coals
• Tendency to spin in place when confused (which is often)
• May cause existential crisis in more philosophically-minded players

The Guide would like to note that while Marionette Soldiers are technically classified as “combat summons,” this is much like classifying a rubber duck as “naval equipment.” They do, however, excel at creating the sort of chaos that can only come from watching two wooden soldiers attempt to perform what appears to be a deadly version of the Macarena.

Usage Tips:

1. Best deployed when you need to convince an enemy that they’ve accidentally wandered into an avant-garde theater performance
2. Particularly effective against enemies with a deep-seated fear of poorly coordinated dance numbers
3. Can be used to make other summons feel better about their combat capabilities

Rating: 6.8 out of 10 on the “At Least They’re Trying” scale

Note: The Guide accepts no responsibility for any psychological damage sustained from watching these wooden warriors attempt to navigate stairs.

Cross-reference: See “Why Spirit Ash Designers Need More Hobbies” (Entry 2,718,281) and “Combat Puppetry: When All Other Options Are Equally Bad” (Entry 1,618,033).

… and by the way: we’re also having other Guides & Tips you may want to check out.