Monthly Digest – All Our July 2025 Posts in A Nutshell

Greetings, fellow Tarnished! July was quite the month in the Lands Between and beyond – we witnessed patch shenanigans, spirit ash comedy gold, controversial combat mechanics, major milestones, and some genuinely game-changing updates.

Whether you’ve been grinding through Nightreign‘s chaotic expeditions or diving deep into the mysteries of questionable summons, we’ve got you covered with our usual blend of helpful insights and gentle mockery of FromSoftware’s design choices.

Grab your Estus Flask and settle in for our monthly roundup of everything that made us question our sanity this July. As always, these summaries capture the highlights, but if something catches your eye, the full articles are waiting with all the gory details and extra helpings of sarcasm.

A Quick Summary of Elden Ring Nightreign Patch 1.01.4

Oh, you thought patch 1.01.4 was going to shake things up? Think again, fellow Tarnished. We’ve got the thrilling news that your weapon information menu now tells you what type of weapon you’re holding – because apparently we needed help figuring out whether we’re swinging a sword or a club. Revolutionary stuff, FromSoftware.

The real highlights? They fixed that annoying matchmaking bug where your session would implode after two players rage-quit simultaneously (we’ve all been there), patched the “It’s Raining!” gesture acquisition bug for you completionists, and closed a revival exploit that let you cheese the third-day boss. So long, free revives – it was fun while it lasted.

But here’s what’s really grinding our gears: no balance adjustments, no graphics optimization fixes, no duo support, and definitely no voice chat. You know, all those things the community has been screaming about since launch? Yeah, those are still missing in action.

This is pure maintenance mode, folks. FromSoftware is playing it safe with stability fixes while we’re still out here getting our faces melted by the same difficulty spikes and limited multiplayer options. At least your matchmaking should work better now – assuming you can find people who haven’t already moved on to something else. The core Nightreign experience remains as punishing and unforgiving as ever, just with slightly fewer bugs.

The Mostly Reliable Guide: Land Squirt Ashes

Ever wondered what happens when FromSoftware’s design team runs out of sensible spirit ash ideas? Meet the Land Squirt Ashes – because apparently someone looked at a gelatinous tube and thought, “You know what this needs? Combat potential.” For a very specific 18 FP (thanks, Committee for Unnecessarily Precise Spirit Expenditure), you get three animated water balloons with delusions of grandeur.

These little guys are essentially sea cucumbers that decided to cosplay as warriors, and they’re about as effective as you’d expect. Their primary attack involves spitting poison at roughly the speed of continental drift, giving enemies plenty of time to contemplate their life choices while being mildly inconvenienced. Their secondary “attack” is an enthusiastic body slam with all the impact of throwing a wet sponge at a brick wall.

Don’t panic when your Land Squirts immediately waddle off in three different directions like drunk tourists – this is a feature, not a bug (allegedly). They’ll persist with the kind of optimism usually reserved for people attempting a no-death run, even though their damage output is comparable to harsh language and their durability rivals that of a chocolate teacup in a sauna.

After 147 deployments, our research team observed 23 successful hits, with 21 being completely accidental. One particularly memorable victory occurred when a Godrick Soldier tripped over a Land Squirt and poisoned himself in the process. Rating: 3.7/10 on the “Well, At Least They’re Trying” scale, but a solid 9.8/10 for unintentional comedy value.

The Nightreign Randomizer Lifts Chaos to a New Level

So you’ve mastered Nightreign to the point where you can predict every enemy spawn and boss location? Congratulations, you’ve officially reached peak Tarnished status – and also peak boredom. Enter thefifthmatt, the absolute madlad who looked at Nightreign’s predictable patterns and said, “You know what this needs? More suffering.”

The Nightreign Randomizer mod doesn’t just shuffle things around – it takes your carefully memorized routes, sets them on fire, and dances on the ashes. This beast modifies the core game files to create wildly unique map layouts that’ll have you questioning everything you thought you knew about Limveld. Think you know where that Night Boss spawns? Think again, friend.

The mod comes in three delicious flavors of chaos: “Almost Normal” for you cautious types, “Balanced Random” that messes with circle timing and loot drops, and “Extra Random” – the “hold my Estus Flask and watch this” option that removes essential balance restrictions. Because apparently some of us enjoy explaining to our neighbors why we’re screaming at 2 AM.

Want more punishment? The mod can increase double Night Boss frequency, because clearly one boss at a time is for casuals. The best part? It’s co-op compatible with Seamless Co-op, so you can drag your friends into your randomized nightmare. Just make sure your settings match exactly, or you’ll experience the special joy of game-breaking desync.

Installation requires Mod Engine 3 and isn’t exactly user-friendly, but hey – if you wanted easy, you wouldn’t be playing FromSoftware games. Ready to embrace the chaos and question your life choices? Your sanity will thank you later (It won’t).

A Quick Summary of Elden Ring Nightreign Patch 1.01.5

Another day, another patch fixing what should have worked from the start! Patch 1.01.5 is here with laser focus on one thing: making the Everdark Sovereign Sentient Pest boss fight actually, you know, completable. Because apparently asking for a functional boss encounter is too much in 2025.

The two big fixes address the kind of game-breaking nonsense that makes you question your life choices. First, they fixed the bug where the entire fight would just… stop working, leaving you staring at frozen enemies while your expedition timer ticks away. Nothing quite like watching 15-20 minutes of progress evaporate because the code decided to take a coffee break.

Second, they patched the delightful issue where the boss would teleport outside the battle area, essentially playing hide-and-seek while you stand there helplessly. Imagine trying to damage something you literally can’t reach – it’s like the digital equivalent of trying to punch your own shadow.

These aren’t balance changes, just basic functionality fixes for what’s already considered one of the “easier” Everdark fights. The triple boss split with Animus, Gnoster, and Faurtis will still test your coordination skills, but at least now the fight won’t soft-lock your entire run.

The Crouch Attack: Your Secret Weapon in Elden Ring

You know that humble crouch button you’ve been accidentally hitting while panic-rolling away from bosses? Turns out it’s one of the most controversial mechanics in all of Elden Ring. What started as a simple stealth tool has evolved into a PvP-dominating monster that’s caused more salt than the entire Dead Sea.

Here’s the deal: crouch attacks perform your roll attack without the roll, meaning you skip the stamina cost and get the same animation. Sounds innocent enough, right? Wrong. Colossal sword users discovered their normally sluggish weapons become lightning-fast death machines when crouched, creating the infamous “crouch poke” meta that’s been terrorizing PvP players since launch.

The numbers are terrifying – players can spam 7-8 crouch pokes in 5 seconds with weapons that should be slow and methodical. Two-handed colossal sword crouch attacks can’t even be parried, essentially removing your main defensive option. Add in 270-degree tracking and exceptional reach, and you’ve got a recipe for pure frustration.

FromSoftware has been playing whack-a-mole with balance patches, nerfing crouch attacks in 1.07 only to partially buff them back in 1.08. There was even a glitch era where any weapon could inherit the fast crouch poke moveset – absolute chaos.

But here’s the thing: despite all the controversy, crouch attacks are here to stay. They’re powerful in PvE, dominant in PvP, and learning to use (and counter) them is essential. Just don’t become a one-trick pony, or you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of some very creative hate mail.

Elden Ring Nightreign: News and Insights (July 21-28, 2025)

What a week to be a Nightfarer! While you’ve been busy getting absolutely demolished by enhanced Everdark Sovereigns, the Nightreign universe has been hitting some major milestones that have the community buzzing harder than a Crucible Knight’s spin attack.

First up: we officially crossed 5 million players this week. That’s right – five million brave souls have willingly subjected themselves to the twisted cooperative survival horror that is Nightreign. Remember when purists were crying about the departure from traditional FromSoftware formula? Well, those numbers are speaking louder than a Grafted Scion’s death screams.

But here’s the real kicker: FromSoftware finally listened to our collective begging and announced Duo Expeditions for Patch 1.02 on July 30th. No more awkward third wheels! No more waiting for that friend who’s “just finishing dinner” for the third hour straight. You and your most trusted ally can finally tackle Limveld without some random player accidentally triggering that devastating AOE we all saw coming.

The timing is perfect because just one day later on July 31st, a new Everdark cycle begins with enhanced Nightlords that’ll make you question your life choices. Tricephalos, Augur, Equilibrious Beast, and Fissure in the Fog are getting souped-up encounters that’ll test even veteran teams.

Patch 1.02 also brings improved relic filtering – finally, we can sort by stats without frantically clicking through dozens of options while the night phase timer mocks us. Combined with Shadow of the Erdtree hitting 10 million sales, it’s clear the Elden Ring universe is becoming a genuine multimedia juggernaut.

A Quick Summary of Elden Ring Nightreign Patch 1.02

Finally! FromSoftware delivered the patch we’ve all been begging for since launch – Duo Mode is here, and it’s glorious. No more waiting for that third friend who’s perpetually “just five more minutes” away, and no more awkward random matchmaking when your usual trio can’t assemble. The game automatically adjusts difficulty based on party size, so you won’t be stuck fighting three-player bosses with your duo setup.

But wait, there’s more! The relic management system got some serious love – you can now register up to 100 relic presets (praise Marika) and actually filter relics by specific effects without wanting to throw your controller. Plus, you can sell and favorite relics directly from the rewards menu, because apparently inventory management nightmares are so last patch.

The real MVP fixes tackle game-breaking bugs that were absolutely ruining the cooperative experience. Remember when Caligo would wander outside the battle area like a confused tourist? Fixed. That nightmare bug where grab attacks would permanently down players with no way to revive them? Gone. Players getting stuck in terrain after Baron of Night’s grab attack? History.

They also patched the Rock Blaster sorcery actually consuming FP (sorry exploit users), fixed weapon hit detection for smaller characters, and resolved ice block synchronization issues that made dodging feel like you were hallucinating.

This is one of those rare patches that makes everything better without making the game easier or harder – just more functional and accessible. Now get back in there and die gloriously, but at least you can do it with proper duo coordination and bosses that stay where they belong.

That’s a Wrap, Tarnished

And there you have it, Tarnished – July in all its chaotic glory! From Land Squirts failing spectacularly at basic combat to the crouch attack meta dividing the community, from randomizer mods cranking chaos to eleven, and FromSoftware finally giving us the duo mode we’ve been begging for since day one.

It’s been a month of genuine improvements mixed with the usual FromSoftware “working as intended” energy. Whether you’re planning your next Nightreign expedition, contemplating the philosophical implications of toxic mollusk warfare, or just trying to master the art of the crouch poke without becoming a one-trick pony, remember – we’re all in this madness together.

See you next month for another round of digital masochism and questionable design decisions. May your summons actually hit something!