Fellow Tarnished, as the year draws to a close and the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC continues to excite us, we’ve been keeping ourselves busy with quite the variety of Elden Ring shenanigans and speculation. For those of you who’ve been too busy dying to Mesmer to keep up with our regular posts, here’s a handy roundup of all our November madness.
From wild speculation about FromSoftware’s future and Sony’s potential acquisition of our favorite merchant of pain, to comprehensive guides on how to scream your way to victory, we’ve covered quite a bit of ground this month. We’ve even thrown in some coverage of the absolutely bonkers Deathless Randomizer League, because apparently regular Elden Ring isn’t challenging enough for some people.
So grab your favorite flask (Estus, Crimson Tears or otherwise), settle down by the nearest Site of Grace, and let’s recap the month’s highlights in a way that won’t require multiple respawns to get through!
What’s Next For FromSoftware? Speculating On The Future
After turning us all into masochistic gaming addicts with their Soulsborne series and the magnificent Elden Ring, what twisted delights could FromSoftware possibly have in store for us next? Let’s dive into some deliciously wild speculation!
Picture this: FromSoft goes post-apocalyptic, giving us Mad Max vibes with a side of soul-crushing despair (their specialty!). Or maybe they’ll blast us into space, where no one can hear you rage-quit. Imagine exploring derelict space stations while cosmic horrors make Malenia look like a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
On the gameplay front, they might evolve their formula with adaptive AI bosses that learn from your tactics. Died 50 times to that boss? Well, now it’s studied your move set and is ready to make it 51. They could also expand their multiplayer, letting invaders become more creative in their trolling – because apparently, regular invasions weren’t anxiety-inducing enough.
The post also ponders whether FromSoft might make their storytelling more accessible (ha!) or double down on their signature cryptic style that keeps lore YouTubers employed. Either way, expect to spend countless hours reading item descriptions and questioning your life choices.
One thing’s certain: whatever direction they choose, it’ll probably involve dying. A lot. But in true FromSoft fashion, we’ll keep coming back for more, because apparently, we’re all gluttons for punishment.
The speculation ends with some truly exciting boss fight possibilities, including dynamic encounters where the arena itself tries to kill you – you know, just in case the actual boss wasn’t challenging enough.
Stay tuned for more updates on FromSoftware’s next masterpiece in masochism!
Elden Ring Reforged: A Fresh Take on the Lands Between
Just when you thought you’d mastered Elden Ring, along comes a mod that says “Hold my Estus Flask!” Elden Ring Reforged (ERR) is basically what happens when someone looks at FromSoftware’s masterpiece and thinks, “You know what this needs? MORE STUFF!”
This ambitious overhaul mod doesn’t just tweak a few numbers – it’s gone full maidenless and changed practically everything. We’re talking new bosses, weapons, spells, and enough system changes to make your head spin faster than a Waterfowl Dance.
Want to dye your armor? Now you can look fabulous in 72 different colors while getting demolished by bosses. Tired of rolling? Try the new ducking mechanic, because sometimes the best defense is… well, ducking. There’s even a new “Fortune System” that adds class-like abilities, because apparently being a lowly Tarnished wasn’t complicated enough.
The mod introduces “Runeforging,” where you can collect rune pieces scattered throughout the world – yes, even under those pesky crabs. Collect enough, and you can trade them for stat boosts, making treasure hunting more rewarding than ever.
Perhaps the most intriguing addition is the “Codex of the All-Knowing,” an enemy bestiary that lets you study your foes. Because nothing says “I love this game” like reading about all the different ways you can die.
The community seems to love it, though some players note it can be more challenging than the base game. But let’s be honest – if you’re playing Elden Ring, you probably enjoy pain anyway.
So, if you’re ready to experience the Lands Between in a whole new way, ERR awaits. Just remember: you’re not just maidenless anymore – you’re modded maidenless!
The Mostly Reliable Guide: Tibia’s Summons and Marionette Soldiers
Ever wondered which spectral friend to bring along on your journey to inevitable death in Elden Ring? This hilariously honest guide takes a deep dive into two particularly “special” spirit summons that exist in that sweet spot between “maybe useful” and “why do these exist?”
First up: Tibia’s Summons, the spell that lets you conjure three skeletal warriors with the durability of wet tissue paper. Requiring both 28 Intelligence and 20 Faith (because apparently, you need to be both smart and spiritual to summon incompetent skeletons), these boney boys excel at providing brief entertainment for bosses before crumbling into dust. Think of them less as reliable allies and more as a very short, violent dance troupe.
Then there’s the Marionette Soldiers, the result of someone asking, “What if we turned combat into a deranged puppet show?” These wooden warriors approach fighting with all the grace of a drunk flamingo, occasionally hitting things (though this seems more accidental than intentional). Their combat style can best be described as “armed interpretive dance,” and they have an inexplicable tendency to spin in place when confused – which is most of the time.
The guide rates the Marionette Soldiers 6.8 out of 10 on the “At Least They’re Trying” scale, noting they’re particularly effective against enemies with a deep-seated fear of poorly coordinated dance numbers.
Remember: Spirit summons are actually legitimate game mechanics and not, as some have suggested, an elaborate prank by FromSoftware. Though watching these particular summons in action might make you question that fact.
(The guide accepts no responsibility for psychological damage sustained from watching wooden warriors attempt to navigate stairs.)
Elden Ring Deathless Randomizer League: Join the Fun
Just when you thought Elden Ring couldn’t get any more challenging, some brilliant masochists created the Deathless Randomizer League! Picture this: complete the game without dying (because regular Elden Ring isn’t hard enough), while everything is randomized. It’s like playing Russian roulette, except all chambers are loaded with different flavors of pain.
The league kicked off on October 14th, giving players a month to prove their mastery or question their life choices. Competitors start with 30 levels and 50 random items, because apparently, FromSoftware’s regular difficulty settings were too comfortable.
The scoring is simple: kill bosses, get points, don’t die. Players have two hours per run to rack up as many boss kills as possible, which is like speed dating but with more violence and less awkward small talk. Only your best five runs count, so you can have three complete meltdowns without ruining your chances!
The competition has attracted some of Elden Ring’s finest players, including world record holder Forsa, who’s probably wondering what possessed him to organize this beautiful chaos. The top 16 and second 16 players will duke it out in head-to-head matches, where they’ll need to survive longer and score higher than their opponents – because nothing says “competitive spirit” like shared trauma.
The community has rallied around this masochistic masterpiece, with players streaming their attempts live for everyone’s entertainment. It’s like watching a nature documentary, except instead of wildlife, you’re observing gamers in their natural habitat of perpetual suffering.
Remember: In the Deathless Randomizer League, everyone dies… except when they’re not allowed to!
Exciting Rumors: Dark Souls III Remaster in Development?
Hold onto your Estus Flasks, fellow masochists! Rumors are swirling faster than a Dancer of the Boreal Valley that Dark Souls III might be getting a fancy new coat of paint. According to insider Nick Baker on the XboxEra podcast, we might soon be able to experience our favorite form of digital punishment in glorious enhanced resolution!
The potential remaster could finally let us see every excruciating detail of our deaths in crystal-clear quality, with improved frame rates that’ll make those perfectly-timed rolls even more perfectly timed (though let’s be honest, we’ll still mess them up).
The community’s reaction has been predictably divided. Half are excited to revisit Lothric in all its upgraded glory, while the other half are throwing themselves off cliffs in Bloodborne, crying “What about us?!”
Of course, nothing’s officially confirmed yet – FromSoftware and Bandai Namco are being quieter than a barefoot hollow in Irithyll. But hey, maybe we’ll get some news at The Game Awards? Until then, we’ll just have to keep dying in regular old 1080p like peasants.
Remember: In Dark Souls, death is inevitable – but soon it might be prettier!
Sony’s FromSoftware Buyout: A Game-Changer for Souls Fans?
Sony’s apparently planning to level up from their measly 14% stake in FromSoftware to full-on ownership by acquiring Kadokawa Corporation. It’s like they’re not content with just watching us die repeatedly – they want to own the whole pain factory!
The deal would give Sony control over FromSoftware (70% ownership), plus bonus loot including Spike Chunsoft, Acquire, and enough anime/manga publishing power to make your body pillow blush. Kadokawa’s shares have already jumped 23%, proving that suffering is indeed a profitable business model.
What does this mean for your future gaming trauma? Well, imagine Bloodborne’s PlayStation exclusivity, but for everything. PC players are already crying harder than their first Malenia encounter, though there’s hope – Sony’s been playing nice with PC releases lately, even if they make you wait longer than a Dark Souls loading screen.
The potential upsides? Bigger budgets mean more detailed ways to die, possibly in glorious 4K! We might even get that Dark Souls slice-of-life anime we never knew we needed (starring a very confused Solaire trying to navigate modern Tokyo, perhaps?).
The community’s reaction is more divided than a PvP invasion gone wrong. Some are excited as finding a hidden bonfire, while others are more suspicious than a mysterious chest in a corner. Will this lead to more PlayStation exclusives? Will PC players need to “git gud” at saving for a PS5?
Only time will tell if this corporate boss battle will end in “VICTORY ACHIEVED” or “YOU DIED.” Until then, we’ll keep rolling through these rumors like we’re trying to dodge Radagon’s hammer.
Remember: In FromSoftware games, death is temporary – but platform exclusivity is forever!
Get Ready to Watch the Rando Mania Charity Cup 2024!
Get ready for three days of beautiful gaming chaos as the Rando Mania Charity Cup 2024 turns your favorite games into unpredictable adventures for a good cause! From December 6-8, watch top players lose their minds trying to beat randomized versions of games while raising money for hospitalized children – organized by your host Zoodle.
Want to see someone attempt Elden Ring without dying while everything’s shuffled like a Vegas deck? They’ve got that. Fancy watching someone play Ocarina of Time where every item could be literally anything? Check! How about two players trying to control one character in Elden Ring? Because apparently regular Elden Ring isn’t hard enough!
The lineup reads like a “Greatest Hits of Gaming Masochism,” featuring Elden Ring, Sekiro, Dark Souls, Zelda, Hollow Knight and more. Watch as renowned players like blanxz and star0chris prove they can beat these games even when turned upside down and inside out.
All proceeds go to Games For Love, bringing joy to hospitalized children. So tune in starting at () each day to watch skilled gamers suffer for a wonderful cause!
Remember: It’s not chaos, it’s “surprise mechanics” for charity!
Roar Buffs: Your Complete Guide to Elden Ring’s Savage Gem
Ever wanted to combine the subtle art of screaming your head off with the delicate practice of violently murdering everything in sight? Well, grab your favorite bonking stick because we’re diving into Elden Ring’s roar buffs – the game’s most sophisticated way of going full caveman!
The roar family comes in several flavors of loud:
- War Cry: For when you want your heavy attacks to come with a side of “AAAAAH!”
- Barbaric Roar: Because nothing says “sophisticated warrior” like channeling your inner Conan
- Braggart’s Roar: The showoff’s choice for those who want to flex before fighting
- Beast’s Roar: For long-distance screaming (technically not a buff, but who’s counting?)
- Howl of Shabriri: When you want your mental breakdown to deal damage
The star of the show, Barbaric Roar, gives you a 7.5% damage boost and transforms your heavy attacks into savage combos that would make a barbarian blush. Find it in Liurnia of the Lakes, guarded by some annoying bats (because of course it is).
Pro tip: Equip the Highland Axe and Roar Medallion for a whopping 25% boost to all your screaming shenanigans. The best part? You don’t even need to meet the axe’s stat requirements – it’s just happy to help you yell louder.
Remember: Timing is everything. Don’t roar when the boss is mid-swing, unless you want to add your death screech to the mix.
Whether you’re exploring the Lands Between or facing other players, nothing beats the satisfaction of unleashing a perfectly-timed roar before turning your opponent into a fond memory.
Now go forth and embrace your inner beast! Just maybe warn your neighbors first.
Closing Thoughts: November’s Greatest Hits
Well, Tarnished friends, what a month it’s been! From potentially game-changing corporate acquisitions to guides on how to scream more effectively at your enemies, November has delivered quite the variety pack of Elden Ring content. We’ve covered everything from the absolutely mad (looking at you, Deathless Randomizer League participants) to the potentially industry-shaking (Sony, please be gentle with our beloved FromSoftware).
Whether it’s modders completely reforging the game, speedrunners attempting the impossible, or charity events turning our favorite form of digital punishment into a force for good, the Lands Between remain as lively as ever.
Remember to keep an eye on our blog for more updates, guides, and probably more speculation about FromSoftware’s future projects (we can’t help ourselves). And hey, if December’s posts are half as exciting as November’s, we’re in for quite a ride!
Until next time, don’t forget to praise the sun, fear the old blood, and maybe try screaming at a boss or two – you never know, it might just work!
(And seriously, someone please give Bloodborne a remaster already.)
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