In the Lands Between, where the definition of “reliable ally” ranges somewhere between “occasionally helpful” and “marginally less likely to kill you than the actual enemies,” discerning Tarnished often find themselves wondering: “Should I really invest my hard-earned runes in Depraved Perfumer Carmaan today?”
The Mostly Reliable Guide to Questionable Spirit Summons
A Semi-Regular Column About Mostly Irregular Combat Choices
For those readers who have somehow managed to avoid the mixed blessing that is spirit summoning, a brief reminder: summoning requires the Spirit Calling Bell (obtainable from Renna or, if you’ve managed to miss that interaction, from the Twin Maiden Husks, who seem to collect abandoned quest items like some people collect decorative spoons) and varying amounts of FP, which stands for either “Functional Pyrotechnics” or “Focus Points,” depending on whether you’re asking a perfumer or someone with actual sense.
Entry 8,675,309 in the Lands Between Edition: Depraved Perfumer Carmaan
Depraved Perfumer Carmaan represents what happens when someone looks at the concept of “support character” and thinks, “What if we gave them explosives instead?” This particular spirit summon is essentially what would result if you crossed a pharmacist with an arsonist and then gave the resulting creation a very questionable fashion sense.
The spirit ash requires 124 FP to cast, a number that appears to have been determined by having a committee of perfumers throw scented bottles at a numbered wall while blindfolded. This rather steep FP cost might lead one to expect a summon of considerable power, much in the same way one might expect a restaurant with exorbitant prices to serve something more impressive than lukewarm soup.
What distinguishes Depraved Perfumer Carmaan from other summons is their unique approach to combat, which primarily involves enthusiastically throwing various bottled concoctions that produce effects ranging from “mildly inconvenient cloud” to “surprisingly enthusiastic explosion.” They approach battle with all the precision of a drunken juggler, but with significantly more fire.
DON’T PANIC if you notice your Perfumer occasionally stopping to seemingly admire the chaos they’ve created. This is not a bug but rather what the developers call a “character moment,” though psychologists might use terms like “concerning pyromaniac tendencies.”
Pros, Cons, Usage Tips & Conclusion
Pros:
- Provides ranged support, if by “support” you mean “unpredictable area denial”
- Can heal himself up to two times, demonstrating a commitment to self-care that’s frankly admirable
- Has a surprising amount of health, much like that one cockroach that survives the apocalypse
- Wears a delightful outfit that adds a touch of “deranged nobility” to any battle
Cons:
- Targeting system appears to have been designed by someone who believes “close enough” is a precise measurement
- Practices their art of healing “for themselves alone,” which is a poetic way of saying they won’t help you directly
- Movement pattern suggests they’re perpetually trying to find the best spot for a theatrical pose rather than effective combat positioning
- May inadvertently set you on fire, which Carmaan seems to consider a feature rather than a bug
The Guide would like to note that while Depraved Perfumer Carmaan is classified as a “support summon,” this is much like classifying a flamethrower as “cooking equipment.” They do, however, excel at creating the sort of chaos that makes both enemies and allies question their life choices.
Usage Tips:
- Best deployed in wide-open spaces where their erratic throwing arm has room to express itself
- Particularly effective against enemies who have an aversion to standing in colorful clouds of questionable chemistry
- Consider wearing fire-resistant equipment, not because you don’t trust Carmaan, but because, well, actually yes, it’s because you shouldn’t trust Carmaan
- Makes an excellent distraction for enemies who are easily fascinated by what appears to be a noble having a public breakdown
Rating: 7.4 out of 10 on the “Chaotic Neutral Enthusiast” scale
Note: The Guide accepts no responsibility for any singed eyebrows, unexpected explosions, or newfound pyromania developed through prolonged exposure to this summon.
Cross-reference: See “Why Giving Nobles Access to Flammable Substances Was a Bad Idea” (Entry 5,318,008) and “Fashion Choices of the Criminally Insane: A Field Guide” (Entry 4,206,969).
…and by the way: we’re also having other Guides & Tips you may want to check out to gain helpful insights.
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