In the grand tradition of things that sound significantly more impressive than they actually are—much like “artisanal water” or “premium air”—we present the Gravebird Ashes, a spirit summon that raises the eternal question: “What happens when you cross a bird with death and remove all the useful bits?”
The Mostly Reliable Guide to Questionable Spirit Summons
Entry 4,669,201 in the Lands Between Edition: Gravebird Ashes
The Gravebird Ashes represent what can only be described as the result of someone looking at perfectly functional flying creatures and thinking, “You know what these need? Less flying and more existential dread.” This particular spirit ash costs 52 FP to summon, a number that the Committee for Arbitrarily Expensive Death Birds apparently arrived at by consulting a magic 8-ball that had been left out in the rain for three weeks.
For those unfamiliar with gravebirds in their natural habitat (which is to say, lurking ominously in cemeteries like particularly morbid gargoyles), these creatures are essentially what you’d get if you asked a Victorian gothic novelist to design a pet after a particularly heavy meal of cheese and laudanum. They possess all the grace of a shopping trolley with a wonky wheel and roughly the same flight capabilities.
What Makes Them Special (And We Use “Special” Very Loosely)
The summoned gravebird approaches combat with the sort of enthusiasm typically reserved for root canal surgery. It possesses a unique attack pattern that can best be described as “aggressive hopping,” combined with what appears to be an attempt to intimidate enemies through interpretive screeching.
DON’T PANIC if your gravebird spends most of its time looking confused and making sounds like a rusty gate in a windstorm. This is not a malfunction but rather its primary combat strategy, which involves psychological warfare through sheer bewilderment.
The creature’s most notable ability is its capacity to make other summons feel significantly better about their own combat effectiveness. It’s rather like bringing a particularly enthusiastic but clumsy friend to a dance-off—they may not win, but they’ll certainly create a memorable spectacle.
Pros, Cons, Usage Tips & Conclusion
Pros:
- Unique aesthetic appeal for those who enjoy their companions with maximum creepiness
- Excellent at clearing small debris and scattered runes through vigorous ground-pecking
- Makes distinctive sounds that help locate it even when vision is obscured
- Surprisingly effective at making enemies question their life choices
Cons:
- Combat effectiveness comparable to a strongly-worded letter
- Flight pattern suggests it learned aerodynamics from a falling brick
- Tendency to get distracted by shiny objects mid-battle
- May cause nightmares in players with ornithophobia
Usage Tips:
- Best deployed when you need something to occupy enemies while you contemplate your life decisions
- Particularly effective in areas with low ceilings where its inability to fly becomes less noticeable
- Can be used as an early warning system, as its screeching tends to alert everything within a three-mile radius
- Works well as a conversation starter: “Yes, that is indeed a reanimated death bird. No, I don’t know why either.”
Rating: 5.2 out of 10 on the “At Least It’s Memorable” scale
The Guide would like to note that while the Gravebird Ashes may not revolutionize your combat experience, they do provide the sort of chaotic unpredictability that can only come from a creature that appears to have been designed by a committee of particularly indecisive necromancers.
In conclusion, summoning a gravebird is rather like bringing a rubber chicken to a sword fight—it may not be effective, but it will certainly confuse everyone involved, which is sometimes victory enough.
Note: The Guide accepts no responsibility for any psychological trauma inflicted by prolonged exposure to gravebird vocalizations, nor for any existential questions that may arise from contemplating why someone thought reanimating birds was a good idea in the first place.
Cross-reference: See “Why Some Things Should Stay Dead: A Practical Guide” (Entry 1,732,050) and “The Comprehensive List of Creatures That Make You Question Game Design Decisions” (Entry 2,302,585).
…and by the way: we’re also having other Guides & Tips you may want to check out.
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